Control
by FanWriter02
Summary: It was amazing how someone's entire life can change in just one moment. One second, and everything can change. One agonizing second that Hiccup wished he could bring back, but never could. Post-HTTYD 2 one-shot. Father/Son feels. Dedicated to animalsarepeopletoo!


This one-shot is dedicated to my good friend animaslarepeopletoo. Love ya, Ani! :)

 **Control**

It was amazing how someone's entire life can change in just one moment.

One second, and everything can change.

Hiccup just never thought he'd experience such a change as that. A change that his father had gone through years ago upon his mother's disappearance. One moment, one goodbye, and she was gone forever.

And now, as he stood at the base of the large hand-chiseled statue towering above him, he felt hollow and cold. Thinking was a bad idea, yet he couldn't seem to stop himself.

The others had obviously tried. Even Toothless sensed the difference. He'd create messes on purpose just so Hiccup would have a distraction. Like repairing a village and finding his place as Chief didn't give him enough of that.

But the empty feeling of despair refused to leave.

It had been two weeks, he thought it would be gone by now. Or… not gone, but settled? Peaceful, calmed, tamed. _Controlled._

Control.

Hiccup bit his lip and frowned fiercely, that one word the key to all his problems.

He had no control. Toothless had been uncontrolled. Drago had control of the dragons. Hiccup was left in the dark, empty-handed. Fatherless, and wounded.

With a cry of anger, Hiccup lunged out and kicked at a snow drift piled against the stone. His prosthetic grated against the statue, throwing him off balance and slipping into the snow. Landing hard on his side, he rolled over with great huffs of breath. Trying to find a relief, he covered his eyes with his arm.

Nothing seemed to matter anymore. Everything that had once given him light and color had dulled into washed out grey's and blues. Even Astrid and Toothless- his mother- nothing they did could bring him back. He was too far gone. It had gotten to the point of… he scarcely thought of them. Now, his main focus was work, distraction, and hardening his heart. He couldn't let it be broken again when it was so newly wounded.

 _Love is weakness,_ Dagur had once said. _Love. Is. weakness._

For once, he was right.

With a sputtered sob, Hiccup rolled onto his side, burying his face into his arm as the torrent came. Nothing could stop it. It wasn't until that moment that Hiccup realized this was the first time he'd cried since returning to Berk.

"I-I can't… I can't do this, Dad." Folding over, head in hands, and back hunched, he huddled against the statue. "I can't. I. can't. I'm so…so… worthless…"

His side pinged pain, but he ignored it. Injuries from weeks of hard work felt nothing like the deep hole in his heart. How could something unseen be so painful?

"How did you do it without Mom? How did you cope?" Hiccup whispered hoarsely. "I don't-d-don't think I'm strong enough…"

" _Don't think, son. Do."_

Hiccup blinked against his mittens, the memory turning into a picture so vivid he swore he could hear his father's' voice again. He was so young, tiny. Only sixteen. Staring up at his tall father who continued to instruct him in the best way he knew.

His harsh prosthetic slipped again, but his father's arm was there to catch him. "You're overthinking it again!"

Hiccup smiled faintly, remembering that day like it was no longer than a week ago. Truth be told, it had been almost five years.

"That's a powerful lesson to learn, Hiccup. To do, not think. Use your heart, let it tell you what must be done. Your brain is a back-seat-driver, always thinking it knows best."

"I don't get it?"

"You will. Trust me. The time will come, and you'll understand." The heavy hand pats his shoulder, shaking his frail frame. Then, Hiccup had laughed it off easily and jumped onto the next topic. How ignorant he'd been.

He'd do anything to turn back the clock and spend more time with his Dad. Every last day, every second spent away from him he wished he could take back.

So many things he wished he'd spoken of, and yet he hadn't. How Stoick had teased and joked about how he wanted grandkids. But now, he'd never get to see them. He wouldn't even be there for the wedding.

"I'm sorry." Hiccup murmured absently, not even realizing the words slipped out until moments later. He picked them up, and started again. "I'm so sorry, Dad. I-I… I wish I could change everything. I'd go back to the old ways just to have you back here again. I still need you…"

Shivering against the winter wind, he sat there for who knows how long, not even trying for comfort. All it ever brought was pain. He was sinking and bending to it, whittled to its will.

And he didn't care.

It was minutes later- or was it hours?- that Hiccup finally found strength enough to shove himself to his feet. Standing desolately, feeling drained of all energy or will power, he turned and forced himself to set a pace towards home.

Home. An empty hearth where his Dad normally sat before the fire in his big bear-skin chair. That wasn't home.

 _"_ Why do you always have to ask where I've been, Dad?"

"Because I want to make sure you make it home without losing another limb."

Sniffing, he shoved the memory aside.

Toothless appeared in the distance, slowly padding towards his rider with a lowered head. His wings were dipped sadly, his eyes were staring at the ground, and his tail dragged drearily. Both man and beast were exhausted, physically and emotionally. Yet neither said a word as they began to walk together through the snow, Toothless close on Hiccup's heal.

Somehow, they wound up on the cliffside facing the ocean. The same spot where Hiccup had stood five years ago as he watched his father sail away towards the Nest. Everything had changed that day, just like everything had changed on that day weeks before.

"I don't understand life, bud." Hiccup finally said, voice hushed. "I… I don't understand."

The dragon whirred quietly in agreement.

"Why did he have to… to go?"

 _"_ Where does the snow go, Dad?" he was only five, an innocent question for a curious young boy.

"It rides off to Valhalla, where it's blessed by the gods." His father had answered.

He hadn't understood. "But why?"

"So it can come back in full wrath the next year!" The laugh that accompanied the playful statement was boisterous, filled with joy.

Tipping his chin, Hiccup fixed his gaze firmly on the dark horizon, nothing but a black sliver against the starry sky. The words replayed in his head, others accompanying them, yet they weren't overwhelming.

They were comforting.

"'To come back in full wrath.'" Hiccup repeated softly. Smiling, he looked up at the stars. "I understand now, Dad."

There was silence, nothing but the nightly sounds of the village around them, until Toothless purred in question.

"Let's go home, Toothless." Hiccup said clearly. Toothless lifted his head shortly, eyes illuminated but wide in surprise. His rider lay a hand on the scaly nose, both ducking their heads in final farewell.

 _"Follow your heart, and follow it home. Because where you are loved, is where you belong."_


End file.
